...... let's carry on ......!!!

     

Yesterday I have got another big shock when my "Madness" had blocked me again. I felt very bad and written here so many bad lines. I am feeling guilty for that, because this is the second time when I have cursed her again. I am really feeling very bad for my that behavior. I have got the result as injury and fever. I had cursed the innocent girl again yesterday. I am really not good person and maybe this is the reason people have ever left me alone in problematic situations. I have bad nature of earlier anger on anybody. Even my mom is also worry about my this nature. Maybe she have read those lines and become too much angry on me. Really I have got a wonderful lover. A strange personality, different person from all other women. somewhere she is too cool and somewhere hotter than fired wood. She loves all the people with whom she ever met. So positive for herself and her friends, but negative about me and my acts. How do I explain her? nobody on the earth is perfect. I am also one of them. I am not superman who can do the hollywood movie actions in real life. I am a normal man who born in India and worked in so many different fields. But after all, I have become an artist who is trying to create something which is his aim of life. In this life I will get her love or not that is not in my hand. I have tried two times to create bridge between me and her, but from her side I have ever got bad response from her. She could not given an answer of my question "How Are You?". Let the matter go on its way. I could not sleep properly last night and felt very guilty for previous day's posts which I have deleted.
      I can remember that, it was 28th, March 2011, when I have seen her first time at her place, finding something on computer monitor. She had tried to talk with me many times, but I have communication phobia and got frustrated while answering her. I felt shy while talking with her. I am famous for my strict voice and bad words in my group. I have ever respected ladies and never called them by bad words. Her voice is still in my ears and never been forgotten. Before Meeting her, I have met so many beautiful and hot ladies in my life. Even I can say I have grown up with girls. I have 3 sisters and always with them. By nature I am too much talking person, so teachers have ever relocate me between two girls. In college I have ever chosen last bench for me and my friend group. I was very happy person and positive for everything. But, local partiality and politics have made me rude and angry by nature. Even my sisters have also face the same problems in their college lives. From last few months I have got the same feelings as I had while childhood. This is the lady with whom I met on above mentioned date has changed my mind and heart. Her life style has shown me that be fighter and fight with the situation. But it is too late for me to have Gold medal in any academic program. Really I will make my sisters kids like this lady who will rock the world. Boys, who were studying with her are still roaming around her like bees and admire her any single told matter if it is good or bad. Really, I met an amazing lady on above mentioned date.
     Tomorrow is the last day to submit project and I have lost the time. I can not complete it on time. So burden on next semester is more increased. I am like a man hanged between two world. down part is my past and upper part is my future, my present is hanged between this two parts. I can't leave loving her. I have already aware from her answer about our relationship. With destroyed world I am living on this edge. It was the time when I ate 5 times in the day and this is the time when I eat for living. Somewhere I have made mistakes and somewhere I have done all with 100% accuracy. I want to tell her again "Sorrie", but she will think that my lover is so dramatic. I am really feeling very bad and guilty for all. I don't wish to see her angry or disappointed. I am not orthodox at any level of society, but I have faith in God as I have seen magic so many times in my life. I feel so many times cured by him and having trust that he will never do bad with me. If "Madness" will chose another guy it will be also his wish and if she will give that respects to me will also his wish. Why I met her? that is the unanswered question for me for him. But, I have faith that he will give me the answer for the same. I have told him that I need nice life partner who have awesome personality and nature. He had sent her in my life next day. It was the magic held with me on 28th. March 2011.
      On that day, I have entered in the awesome world of LOVE. The magical moments in which I have felt the fairy seat beside me. I have seen those eyes in which I have found a wonderful glitter and thirst of having lot of good things. It maybe possible so many boys have proposed her for love and relationship. Maybe she is a dream girl of so many handsome boys. I am one of them, I think. I am not handsome like any hero or model and also not so special in the society. I am common man who have small business and having bad reputation of doing nothing. I am working as 3D modeling artist and having dream of making animation TV serial for kids. If everything will be in my favor, I will be a successful 3D movie maker in our country and maybe in the world. I have told all the truth whatever running in my mind. It is depend on her to take it as truth or just fake words. I am working for local builders who need 3D models for their projects' brochures. I am also going to enter in brochure designs, but I can't manage my time for that as I am one man army. I need to say her don't be misguided by anybody regarding me. If it will in our destiny, nobody can stop us to meet each other. But, there are so many people who have jealous nature and believe in splitting relationships. Please, forgive me for yesterday's behavior. Please pray to God for guide me in right directions. You are the only person on this earth with whom I am sharing all this personal matters. You are the only person who lives in my heart.
         I want to tell you, I am not fake person, please believe me and give me a chance to prove it. Please if possible look at me with love .........pure love. Don't break the relation ..........just carry on the relationship. The different love relation, so far from India to US between me and You. You are my special someone and soulmate too. I feel very special feelings while remember you at anywhere. If you are feeling the same then let it continue, don't ruin it. Because Love is the purest feeling between two human which starts from one's heart and fill another's heart with happiness. Love can change anybody's life. Don't think about lines you have ever read in books, the feelings of that writer. Think about your own feelings for the love. It will make you poet. It will make you painter. It will make you a good person with special new feelings for the world. Really carry on our relation ......so far from the world.........from the society.....from the literate diplomatic people......... let's carry on ......!!!