I have just returned from market. All my hopes are going to die very soon. Because I have asked rates for a new Computer for my Animation project and the rate is too high. The price of my desired configuration of Computer is around 5.5 lacs. I can buy it, but all our savings will be spend that and that money is for my sisters only. I was thinking about my future while returning from market to office. My personal savings is less half of the amount. I am so confused and nervous. I was thinking about loan and other financial ways for that, but it is like not possible or non-reachable. I have to roam in market for more and more work. I am again at the level of marketing again. I am feeling heavily tensed and defeated by the time. I have to study again configuration of computer peripherals and its working speed. Everywhere every step has become complicated and become too hard to decide what to do next ? I need high speed computer for rendering my animation projects. I knew one more thing that success is not so easy to achieve and somewhere it needs your blood, flash and bones too. I have asked to my friends living in Hyderabad and Bangalore for the optional high configuration of computer. I am very sad and at the stage of dark future, because it maybe my last dice to play for my bright future. This time I have to play very carefully, because one mistake and lost everything. Everything means my prestige in home, my desire to marry with "Madness", my market reputation, my dream of creating India's first animation movie making company. I have given all my efforts to create it. I know it is quite hard to earn big amount from market, but I have to build a strong pillar for my business empire. There are so many people who can help me regarding this amount, but they are fathers of young girls. I know that will take away my independence of living. I have lost good friends who could help me, but I have axed my own leg. I am thinking to tell my dad for the new Computer, but I am not talking with him from last few months properly. I can't take help from him as I don't want to listen too much.
I am tired today and not in good mood to talk with anybody. As usual I am disturbed and started writing here. One thing I have marked that on the 31st Dec 2011 it is first time when I have not remembered Molly or Tushar. I was remembering my "Madness" and watching my wrist watch. When it was 12 o'clock I wished her the new year first. Yesterday while eating Ice cream I remembered both. This is the situation of my mind in which I am burning in the fire of daily routine and her smiling face gives me cool shadow. Her love is just a nice shelter for me in the Sunshine and rain of pain. My sister was telling me about low configuration of computer, but I don't want to waste my money behind garbage. The other side my mom is giving me new tension of profiles of girls. One man and lot of tension this is the situation in which I am living. I have erased all bollywood songs from my timeline of FB wall. Because somebody has told me that It will create dirty picture of my personality. He has also told me the matter which is related with "Madness". She hates my that behavior on FB. She has lot of doubt about me and my feelings. She feels that I am dramatic road romeo or casanova type person and I want to use her in different ways. He has knew it from her place where I met her. He has created link to have news regarding her for me. I knew the main reason of her laughing on my love and situations. I want to tell her.
I want to create big business empire only for you........my Love.......My Empress......My "Madness".....!!! Becasue you have never faced this cruel world which will suck your happiness and good beings. I want to provide you a big platform for your career. I want to give you well established firm by which you can execute your ideas and creative thoughts. I don't want to let you live in the 9 to 5 life, because you have ever lived like empress and you will live forever like that. I will sell myself to provide you that start. I know it is my thoughts only, and reality is so far from that. But it is my goal to escape you from the cruel time of struggle. I am nothing right now, but want to do this before you complete the studies. If you will choose US for your next life then I can't do anything. Because it is the country where people called us as a third world's people. Indians will never get upper post in their eyes. I want to do something for you, though you will neglect me. I am not casanova type man. So, please don't see me like that. I know you are very special in this world and you deserve so many good places in society. I will sell myself to give you the chariot of Empress. I don't know what is there in our destiny. Will you see me by the eyes with love or not? I don't know that. I can't reveal the situation in which I want to tell you so many things, but lack of time doesn't allow me to do that. You have also closed all the doors for me. I have seen your new photo and felt too much happy last night. Because you looks quite bright and healthy. God Bless you for that photo. It is not necessary to love me, but don't stop me to love you. I am crying as there is nobody in our office. Maybe it is just coincident or your wide network, all the songs playing on radio are those which I have ever liked. Don't worry about me, I am ok and will do whatever I have decided. I am Taurus man, who have decided something and I will do it on any cost. It is very cold nights here and I was on my terrace while the year was going to be changed. You will laugh if you will know where I have spend my new year evening. I was in social community meeting with 55+ people and eating bhajiyas, samosa and jalebis. Laughed......!!! thanks....!!! your laugh gives me power to fight with my ugly situations. I hope you have enjoyed the new year party with lot of happy moments with your friends. I am sorry, I have made doubt on you that you have got couple with somebody. But it was not my fault. I ahve read on your father's FB wall post. It made me to create doubt on you. You can hit me for that whenever we meet. I am confident on my worship of God who will never spoil my life by take away my Love from me. before that I have to do so many work. .....Darling......you are my Kohinoor and must be secured in my strong hands. I know this is the second time I have done it, I am sorry for that. But your photos had ever made me to think so. One thing more, your photo of sitting in the lap of that American guy is still there on your chinese friend's albums. It will spoil your personality. Please don't publish that kind of photos on internet as it will spoil your reputation and social prestige. I will tell you all this till my last breath. To be agreed with my thoughts or not it depends on you, because this is your life. It is my duty to make you cautious about that matters. Again......you looks so pretty being little fatty. But, please don't increase your weight too much. otherwise you will got laziness and loose your fitness. Even I have started exercise and getting abs on my stomach. I am writing this with watching your smiling face. So innocent smile this is! I feel some extra Love for this....and sending you few kisses in air....for this. Some smile has came on my face now. That's the reason for loving you.
My Love........My Empress.........My "Madness"......I want to prove that the world has weight of 2.5 mg (1 ratti) against your wishes. I will try to spread Red Carpet wherever you will go. I can't promise you, but I will sell myself for your one smile. I really mean it, because your smile values more than billions of dollars for me. This is just my emotions for you and not any dramatic dialogues. Please believe me ........I have loved only one lady and that is .........YOU. This is my first love, so I don't know how to express my feelings to you. I have got very different lady who doesn't talk with me, but caring me by her prays from thousands of miles away from me. Love has become the bridge between our hometown to your current place. ......Smiling again.....!!!.......thatz the moment I was wishing from God. May god will make you ever smiling by giving you lot of happy moments. I am sorrie ........I am sorrie........again ........I am sorrie for making doubt on you.
Kissing your forehead ........and giving you lot of greetings for the rest of the year. Remaining best wishes....... I will give you at the time, whenever we will meet. Please trust me and take my love sincerely. People have ever told me that I have stone instead of heart in my body. Your image has been carved on this stone by Destiny and God. Drawings and lines can be erased by time, but carved image cannot be erased. You have to destroy the whole stone to destroy the image. Even the time can't do it then where is human being can do it. We are made for each other and our pair was made in heaven. Maybe God has that target for bring us to gether. I am preparing myself for you. After my practical exams I will start my real work for our bright future. Love you .......for all your smiles and laughs. Don't get angry on anybody.....especially on me. I will try to make you smile. ........Darling .......!!!......smile ...... wherever you are.......!!! .......your smile matters for me....... I love you......by bottom of....... my heart......!!!
Trying to solve our financial problem of buying new advance computer. I will do it by any other way. I have to be over burden by work for that. Hey.....Missh ..........pray for me to complete the task very soon and .....open the block. I want to talk to you. I want to listen your naughty sound again. I am desperating to see you again......But this time.......we will meet .........forever......don't believe it.........leave it on time......my friend Lord Krishna is with me. He will do all good......for both of us.......Just trust in God......trust me......!!!
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