......... my heart is beating for you........!!!

         

          I have submit all my assignments and completed Vivas. I feel some relaxed now, but thinking about final exams. The final match between me and University papers, like Federrer Vs Nadal. One man Vs. 16 exams.I know I can get another chance to clear, but I want to do it in June, anyhow at anycost. Because I have to concentrate on my earnings too. Your hunger of shopping must be satisfied by me, as per my thoughts. And also it will my duty too. But, today I feel some relaxed from a small burden. I have made search for tutorials of photography, but found all for the costly camera DSLR. I don't want to buy it, because I don't need it. But, thought about my world tour and changed my mind. I have decided to buy the DSLR camera from Cannon. I think  it is the best company forever for the DSLR cameras. I have another choice of Nikkon, but I have already purchased one from that company. Actually, I have old analog Camera from Cannon, which was purchased before around 15 years ago. Still, It gives nice result, but in digital world, who needs this film camera? But, it was my birthday gift from my parents to me. May be they have forget that, but my mind can't forget that day. I can remember my that birthday when my father got another promotion in her job and transferred to another city. Do you know? My father have never asked me about my studies. Only one time he has taken interest and arranged my admission for the diploma Engineering in Electronics. But, I had refused that admission and taken the sit in 11th science, but unfortunately by weak health I had changed my stream from science to commerce. My all friends were in science class and I was alone in commerce class. But, I had controlled myself and joined the school cricket team and played. My aims were changed from Electronics Engineer to Management representative. I had started new dreams of commerce field. I had chosen MBA or C.A. or ICWA. I had passed out from school as commerce student. I was alone to the unknown place college. I had joined NCC and Tennis. But became victim of politics, partiality and some castism problem, I had kissed last time to my tennis racket with non streamed tears in my eyes. I became rude and wild in my further two years. I left caring about my professors and other elders, except parents. I started drinking and left the exercising for hours. When three years was completed, I could not realized. But, one event has ignited in me of learning computer programming.
        I can remember, he was so enthusiastic to give information regarding computers. He was the person who have ignited a small lamp of enthusiasm to know the computers and its working. I was interested in his talks regarding computers. I was listening all his words, but remembered only few words. Those words are still in my mind. It was the line told by him, "computer field doesn't make difference between science, commerce and arts. Computer is friend of all fields. It is more loyal friend than books and human beings.  Computer can connect you with that world which is far from you, but you can see it so near. Computer can give you a new status in society. It will open the doors of the world for you. Your career will be globalized. The whole world will be connected with you." There are so many lines told by him to me, but I can't remembered it. Today, when my professor was giving us a lecture and feeling very strange while answering my questions. After his lecture, he asked me one question and it has realized me I have got some changed in me. He asked me, " I can't believe this! Harshad, you was asking those questions to me. You have asked those questions, which were never asked to me by anybody. You appeared changed. Whatever happened with you, but I think you are awakened." I could not say a word to him, but just smiled to him and left the empty class. I was thinking about changes came in me while walking to my scooter. How all was being changed in me. I am reading books! I have stopped listening radio! I have stopped taking interest in people's matters! I am reading tutorials rather than writing quotes on FB ! I have stopped watching songs on Youtube! Oh  my God! what has happened to me? May be it is all your wish about me. I had got sleep in noon time. And opened my eyes at 5 o'clock in the evening.
        I was so confused and open again my study books. I don't think that I have to read books, but when I watch date on the right bottom side's date part, I feel tension. It is the last week of April and my exams will be started from 1st June. This time, may be I have to give exams from Ahmedabad study center. A month of June in Ahmedabad with tension of exams. I have never seen Ahmedabad so thoroughly as Mumbai. I like Mumbai more than Ahmedabad. I have heard that New York is more lovely than Mumbai, is it true? Whenever I will come there I will compare it with Mumbai. When will I come? I don't know. But, before death I will come there to see you again. I can't promise you for that, but can give you these words for future. May be at that time, you will be so fat or so slim, but can say that your anger, pride and attitude will never changed. I am not dreaming ...... darling!......because one year has passed, but you are enjoying my words only. You have never tried to talk with me. Now a days, you have started new play with me. Change the photos, once in a week. No words, no gestures nothing more. Is this punishment to the man, who loves you more than his life? Anyway, it is your desire to have love or not. May be you have not those eyes which can identify the true diamond of Love.  I have stopped telling you that your silence always killing me. I have never tried to show you my attitude or ego, why? because I know the result and I have tolerate it in past. I have cried, when failed in my exams of commerce college. If I had left my ego and joined the engineering at that time, may be I could become a successful Engineer. But, it was my ego to learn in my State and not in other state. I have never shared my heart with anybody in this world, not with my best friend and never with my mother. First time I am sharing all with you and may be all my talks are mindless chatters for you and the other readers of this blog.
        Do you know which kind of person you are? you are an Angel for all of us, but not for yourself.  For me, you are my everything. If you will leave me and chose another person, I will be silent forever and never share a word with anybody in this world again. Because I had only one heart and given it to you. One day, when you will realized my true love in your heart, it  may be too late for me. Because, from inside, I am broken by waiting for your words. You are still not serious about real life and dreaming for He-man. I have no time to make muscles, but I am fit and fine. I take care about my health and not having trouble in my daily activities. I don't think so that, we will have any problem in our married life. Why do you feel that fear? I don't know. One thing, I have to clear here. If you have any doubt regarding muscle man and his sexuality, just remove it from mind. So many people in this world who have strong muscles on arms, chest and on whole body have got failure in bed with their wives. And there are lot of men who have not so strong muscles but have successful married life. Examples are your parents and my parents too. So, don't mix up the world of computer games and real life. I am an IT Professional and having white collar job of computers. I am not a labour of mines, who work whole day and got tired by physical work at that level where he can't remember his sexuality. But in respect to your desires of having he-man, I have started working on it. I am having changes in my arms, shoulders, stomach and also in mind. I am being rude by nature. I am losing my politeness of nature. I am thinking about my future and professional career too,  while thinking about you. Feeling you in me like blood in my veins. Passions to meet you have been increased at its highest level. My arms waiting to hug you very tightly. My lips are waiting to kiss you everywhere. My body is desperate to rub you with it. My world is waiting to have you in it. I have created new world for you and still decorating it with my lovely dreams. What is there in your mind I don't know. May be you can't dream about having family and dreaming about lonely  life. Why do you think so? May be you are highly affected by the lives of celebrities. If it is true, then see their personal lives. They all have their families and kids. Professional life can become more glittering with success when you have a person with whom you can share your pains and failures. You must have a person who can admire your attempts and give you sympathy for next victory. I don't know what is there in your mind, because I have never talked with you regarding your dreams of life. I will write here for you till the end of my free time. One day, I will be busy in my work and you will be busy with your daily routine life. But I will see you and love you till my last breath. If you care for it or not, but I will love you till my death. I have dreamed a life with you, but still don't know about your thoughts. Whatever it is, but those are thoughts of an Architect. And may be well planned and with good interior and exterior looks. Where is my place? I don't know. May be you are confuse to have me in or not. I will never annoy you in future and ever take care about your mood too.  I will be a good friend and good partner in bed too. What do you think? I don't know, but can tell you, don't think negative about me. I know you are near about to enter in the real professional world in which people forget themselves. Have you ever mark one thing? All the professional who have a settled life in other countries have ever come to India for marriage, in the search of loyal life partner. I think you are feeling, I am on your feet and begging happiness from you like beggers. If you are thinking these, you are thinking absolutely wrong. I know you dislike to listen this word "you are wrong" , but I am telling you this. it hurt your ego and pride too. But, it is the rule of Love........ no ego, no pride between lovers. I will post my photo without shirt, whenever I will get nice muscles to show you. But don't wait for that, if I will be busy, I will leave that working on muscles.
         I can remember those words, you have written on CT's world. In which you have told me that "whatever you are, but I like you as it is. You are awesome for me"..... I think those were only words. Sorry, but truth is always bitter by taste. Have you seen my words? from the first to this post, I have never changed my words for you.  You are my love.........my Empress........ my "Madness".........and you will till my death. I have ever taken care of you. What have you done for me? I don't know and could not realized ever. I can read your eyes only and reached to the conclusion that, you loves me. But, may be feeling shame to having me in your life. I have no horns on head, I have not ugly teeth came out from mouth, I am not cleaned scalp bald, I am not lame by legs or hands, I am not blind or lost one eyes. I have also not crossed eyes,  I am also not impotent. If you have any doubt , I am ready for medical test also, but if I will be alright as man......... you have to permit me to having your HIV test report...... it's hurt? ...... I feel same.....but you need all this, I don't need it. Because I love you. If you have any problem by Castism, I can't do anything in that way. But if you are thinking so, then what are doing in US? come back to India and have a home in any Village.Through all this discussions, I want to tell you that don't be negative about anybody in this world. You have thought negatively, I had left chatting with foreigner ladies. Even I have blocked them from my friend list of FB. Just show me one thing, what have you done for me? Are you loyal with me in same way like me with you? You have hidden your all pictures of US life from me, why? I don't know. But want to know my news of each moment and movement too. I am giving you all news about me and my thoughts via your network. Even you have used my friends against me and still using them for that. I know all from the starting point. I have send you all my personal matters, because you wanted to know that. But, you have never told a word to me. One day, as per your nature, you will come and ask me "who is this 'Madness'?"......... and as per my nature , I will be silent and just smile.  Why are you refusing LOVE? why are addicted with betrayal? Why don't you to be called "good" rather than "bad"? why don't you change your attitude about your self? why don't you accept your self as Angel and not as any bad woman? Think good and be in good mood.
       I am going to Rajsthan by road to visit mines of marble stones. I will also visit Mount Abu for refreshing my mind. I will leave on Tuesday evening. Take care and concentrate on your studies. I am awakened and don't know what will I do? May be I will not have a time for myself or may be you will face me soon. Be ready for anything. May be my attitude for life is being changed. But, one thing I can assure you that I will continue writing here. I have remembered my promise of story. I will complete it soon, because exams will be near.
       I have never hated any other field of work. I have ever appreciate other fields and their working. I am still quite interested in Electronics, but time and destiny had made me an IT Professional. IT is the field which is friend with all the fields of working. If it is any kind of Engineering, Art, Commerce, Architecture, Medical etc. IT is  friend and supporter of all fields. That is the reason, people loves IT field. We are not programmer but poets, who imagine the scene and write script to present it. Love me, I am your friend, your lover, your life partner, your supporter,  who can decrease your burden of work, who can help you till life time.......I am dreaming about you...... I need you...... I need your love..... Let me come in........let me love you........let me kiss you......... give me your hugs........ give me your warmth......... I have chosen you......chose me forever........ forget all bad words of me......... forgive all my mistakes and my bitter words...... I know you have the nature of non forgiveness...... but try to be polite with me.... I am "Mad" ......... I am in love with you.......my "Madness"......... let me be yours forever........ let me share my life with you.......... Come soon ......... my heart is beating for you........!!!