I have never thought about the success of the short story "The ice cream" which was written while marketing for a reputed bank of my country. Thanks to all of you who have called me and emailed me. On your demand I am going to disclosed my self and some memories.
Today I will write something about me and my love which have changed my way of thinking, all activities and daily routine too. I was thinking while driving that how I have fallen from so tall mountain of proud and greediness. I am going to share my life's most important part.
I am Harshad Surti aka Harry, writer of this blog. I am IT professional and having small business of consultancy services about IT related solutions. I am not teenager so may be somebody dislike my posts. But I am belonging with Global profession so always thinking globally. This time I am on voluntary vacation because of some reasons which have really stopped me for thinking about something else which is very unprofessional.
This happened before just four months ago. I have always done all those thing which my family wants. Even I have sacrifice my IT ( Information Technology) career too for my family, but never realized to anybody what I have lost in my career. My daily routine was wake-up till 7:30 a.m. and read newspaper, tea and breakfast in the morning, other things' timings were not sure. My mom is always my first care taker since childhood. I have three sisters- one is elder than me and other two are younger than me. I have no brother. My mom have never made difference between me and my sisters. I was so naughty and enthusiastic while child that any new thing came to home, I always try to run it first and how it is running was my first point to check. Sometimes some thing being stopped due to my engineering work. I have always ignore to go to school, my mom always hit me for that.But she has taught me to be uptodate always. Me and my sisters all are unmarried like "Parsi" family. I always like to work with computers since I have not got mustache. My passion for computers is always awesome. I don't like jobs and the boss environment because it makes me so limited. So I chose business as career. We are all have our different thoughts so we never discuss our thoughts with each other but sometimes it happened, I always become mute. My mom always told me regarding my marriage and I have always refused this matter with saying I want some special in my life not any garbage collection. I have never concentrate my mind on ladies and their beauty. Beauty of ladies was only crystal palace for me which was useless and wasting of time. I always felt good while looked at married men who were always in tension and not happy.
But my mom always asks me about my choice of girls. One day she started in the Sunday morning, the laziest and bad day for me. She was watching movie program on some channel.
Suddenly asked me, "Do you like Kareena Kapoor? "
I told, "yes" while reading news paper ( reading news paper was my bad habit as I read it around 2 -3 hours)
Then the next question came," What about Priyanka Chopra ?"
"Nice", I replied.
" Bipasha Basu?", question once again.
" she is engaged with John" I replied and looked at TV as she is one of my favorite actress.
"Preeti Zinta?" she again.
"Nice, Mom", I replied
"why are you asking all this?", I asked her.
"I want to judge your choice." she replied.
" oh, mom, I also like hollywood actresses, how will you judge about that?" I teased her.
" I know my language and need our native's girl in this home" she up her chin and replied.
" I like nicole kidman, Sharon stone, Natalie Portman, Shakira, Jennifer Lopez ...how will you decide my choice?", I cast the bouncer.
" You have not seen so properly the Indian girls, If somebody will meet you, your situation will be danger, my boy", she converted it into sixer.
" What about Asin and Sonam Kapoor?", my elder sister joined her.
"very good, Nice" I replied and went on terrace for gardening which was my favorite hobby. I am nature lover and mostly about roses.
I had never believed in love and lovers' feeling. I always told that love is a desire of sex which comes when both or one of them select the other. It is an attraction only by different genders. I always laughed on them who was fallen in love in my circle. I explain always to my friends, love is just a lust of sex having with any person who you liked.
Worship of God and meditation were my daily activities. My sisters always amazed with this activities as my daytime nature was always different then the worship time. I always talk with sky in the night when something good or bad happened with me. The life was going so easily and fluently. My business of software, web development, Architectural services, Interior design etc. was going so nicely with my Sister.
Suddenly in ending week of March 2011, the person who have helped her in thesis of Master degree, came to our office and told about her problem of not getting any good skilled person who can assist her. My sister committed her to send and good skilled person to her at office. After 2-3 days She looked at me and said there is no any skilled man around me besides of you (Harry). I replied no for that as I was not interested in any job and why should I do the job? as I was earning very well by my business. But she told me that she has committed for that and I have to give only 4 hours of morning which I wasted in new paper. I thought to go and explain the lady for not joining and say no to my sister.
The next day I leave for going to the lady's office but I have got accident. I was badly injured on knee. The other day I again going to her but that day the front wheel's tyre of my scooter was bursted suddenly while good running speed, again I have got hurdle. Third time my mom's health was suddenly got bad. I have seen to the sky and asked to the God, " What is there at that place? Why are you Stopping me by this kind of big hurdles? I could not sleep properly at that night, I was not feeling well that night. I was so complex and angry that night.
In the next morning, I was teased and went to that lady's office for saying no to the offered job. I was stucked in one and half an hour's traffic jam. I was totally teased by this and looking up in the sky again and decided to go there at any cost. I reached there in the parking and called the lady about my present at the place. She came out and lead me to her office.
I entered in the office and found one good looking lady with strange make up. But as my nature I started to talk with the lady to whom I have to talk. But I was noticed the good looking lady again and again. I told yes to the job and decided the compensation for the work. I got some knowledge about the software and came out from there. I felt slight more energy in me, but ignored it. The next day I started the work and new that it was a lecturer's staff room. My boss gone for few days' vacation and I was working on the project with my good efforts and hard work. But the good looking lady was quite talkative. She started talk with me. I also reply to her with short answers. I was felt normal with her while talking. The other staff members, I felt slight proudy and always look at me like I am a foreigner came to their land, especially the tall man sit opposite aside me. I was too arrogant and always tell him "Go to Hell You B.........d", because I never like that somebody insults me. Even I will smash anybody's face if insult me. But days were going and I was familiar with the environment and work.
There was an Auto exhibition came to our city and I was crazy to see the "Rolls Royce Ghost", Porsche", "Bentley" etc. world's costly cars. I called my friends but they were not agreed to visit that exhibition as it was so far from city.
I called one of my best friend,
"Hello Would you like to visit the auto exhibition with me?" I asked.
" sure, but I don't know the location ." he replied.
"I also don't know ......" I was talking
"Sarsana" , She whispered suddenly, which I heard and told him.
I felt amazed why was she taking interest in my activities. May be she likes me or want to increase friendship. I looked at her and remembered my look too, she was too beautiful and I am fat with rounded face with thick nose. oops! I couldn't think for her, but try to talk with her and she talked wisely always.
I was thinking she is lecturer, how the boys could learn from her ? what they do ? learn or watching her beauty. I remembered my college days and our lecturers. But I was started thinking about her.
I thought I should invite her for tea or Sunday lunch to any restaurant. But still could not understood my own feelings for her. One day she suddenly came with laughing smile to me in Blue saari with open silky hair. It was disaster for me in my mind. She was marvelous and mind blowing looking that day. It was the day which I will never forget till my death. I can remember that any time at any place.Mentally, I have married with her.
I was getting the different feelings..... aahhh ... what a feeling of love, So wonderful experience.... I was in other world. The world of my love, my empress, my crazzyyyyyyness, my madness.....
I was thinking I like her and she is good learned lady and lecturer, may be we will be a nice pair. I thought another teacher for my home as my elder sister and younger sister both are teachers. I decided to talk with her while enjoying my birthday at any five star restaurant. My birthday was very near as on 5th May.
But destiny has changed the track, suddenly she had stopped come to the office. Days were going fluently and daily I was waiting for her.
It was my birthday, 5th May, I awaken early and came out for office. I bought costly chocolate for her as each seconds I was curious to meet her on my special day. I was waiting eagerly but she didn't come. I was nervous and canceled all the orders of cake and other things. I went back to home and crying inside me. Suddenly my mobile rang, It was the unknown number. I felt slight optimistic and received the call but it was my friend Jyoti's call. She was asking about all the cancellation. She was the only one who has seen her. Jyoti was always my good care taker friend. She called me out for movie and dinner with other friends. I thought one day when she will meet me I will make the celebration again. I was with my friends in nice restaurant for lunch but I was not in me. Suddenly Jyoti came to me and whispered, "Are you alright?" I shake my head as yes. She taken me away from all other friends and asked me what happened with me.I described the whole story. She beg cell number of her which I have never taken from her. I always thinking why she was taking interest in my activities if she had to go. I searched on internet if I can get any information about her. I found her facebook contact.I felt happy and sent her friend request, as I was confident for the acceptance by her. But I was wrong. I was watching her photos daily being happy.
I have lost all my tensions regarding study, business, bills, clients etc. One morning the dark cloud came with nice rain. I found her status from home town to abroad. I cried from inside. I asked a lady who sit opposite me about her. She replied the lady has gone for further studies to abroad. I asked her about their status.She answered they were all students and not lecturers. All my guessing were being wrong. I looked her profile and photos of her. She was so opposite from my guessing.
She was free minded lady and always talk with any body with full involvement. But I had seen something in her eyes which is still attract me to her. Her all updates were coming to my wall, but she has not accepted my friend request. One day all her updates were erased from my wall. I felt amazed and made search but found nothing. I logged out and searched her in google. I found her on facebook in google search, but could not search through my profile's search box. I asked to my friend for this situation, I felt freeze by listened his answer. She has spammed me for watching her profile. I was so sad that somebody has done this with me. She has refused to know me stated by her behavior.
I was very sad and my final exams of the semester started. I could not write the paper properly. I was remembering her manic smell, her eyes, her voice, everything but not her body as I have never noticed to that.
I was talking with my friends and showed her profile photos to them. But their opinions were not good. I hit him very badly, he was the boy who always sending me the movie program of all friends and other activities of Sundays. He told very bad words about her and also notified me that he has saw her many times sit with some bad boys on road at our college gate.
But I throw him out from our circle.
Jyoti cursed me while her tight hug, "Harshad Surti, you have hit me- the lady who has devoted her two years of life in your friendship. I curse you by heart darling, this lady will never accept your love and one day you will die like dog. The lady who have destroyed your proud and kicked you by what you fallen down on earth from your status will never understand your feelings and your dreams will never come true. Even you will not happy in your life and get any other bitch like this, in your life. You will come to suicide very early. Just go to hell."
I was very angry and stretched her hair and her back's skin wildly. She was crying near my head, suddenly Amit (my friend) made my hand stop to do that. I left her, She was cursing me loudly in public. Amit has also repeat those bad words for my love. I clapped him and pushed him from two stairs of the garden.He fell down. He went with her and broken our friendship forever. He has gone to Sharjah back on his job. Jyoti married in June with NRI person who is doctor and went to Canada. Now I am lonely. I have lost all my friends forever as all of them has not given me their contacts.
My love to the lady was increasing day by day. I felt her fragrance while saying her name. When I start worship of God and closed the eyes I can see her laughing smile. I know she doesn't know me properly so there is no matter to love me in this life. So I daily pray to God for her protection. My heart is blessing her with each breath. I am loving her unconditionally. It means that she love me or not but I will love her till my death. I will be very happy if she will get her all goals of her life. I will be very happy if she will get any prince type person as husband. I love her by heart and devoted my self to her love.
My friends always said that it is not my love but it is my madness. I accept she is my love, my madness.
She is an empress of my heart. I worship her. I have no words to describe my feelings, but can say that she is my everything. I know, I am nothing for her. A stranger, with whom she had just passed her time. But this stranger has got a special lady forever in his heart.
My pain increases with all new days. My lust of living is completed. I feel I have lived enough. All my ways of happiness are being closed one by one. The emptiness is pushing me to the darkness of the death. I have lost my tongue's taste. My food has become so limited like little boy. My sleeping hours are decreased to so least. I am listening radio which I have never liked in my life. I am reaching to the destination which is unknown. My pain of love has reached to the last limit. I know the medicine for all the pain. No, it is not wine or whiskey.... but it is the chemical which is called POTASSIUM CYANIDE. Just little bit on your tongue and you will get relief from the painful life. But I pray to God that please give me my new birth as her child to whom she will love and take care. Her love is my dream but unfortunately I will never get.
I never curse my love for this situation. No, never. I curse God who met me with her, I curse destiny who has created this situation. If I went there after one month, I could never met her in this life and the life could passed with my family with joy and happiness. But the biggest Cheater who is called God has cheated me and taken all my happy moments and given me this sad life till death.
There are few liabilities of my sisters' marriages are on my shoulders. After that I will reach to my destination. I don't want to be billionaire or celebrity or anybody's husband. My lust will never fulfill. I don't want to spoil any other girl's life, because I have taken a pledge of one woman as wife in my life.I will get relief from all pain as die after my sisters' marriages and pray to god for her bright future.
Sometimes I think,What was my life before few months ago and what was my status. And now people laughing on me. Especially her office mates as they have revealed something about this. All her office staff look always to me that I am any thief and stealing something which is in their knowledge. Really Jyoti has cursed me by heart, all her words will become true .... as per my situation.
I will die, but my words on this blog will alive forever and people who read will give us blessings. I had only one heart and it was smashed.
Please don't send any comment via email or phone calls. because nothing to discuss on this topic. Just read it and pray for her bright future and prosperous life.
You can called me mad and I will accept it .... always in love with madness.......!!!
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