Now a days, I feel some big changes in my life. I am working and reading, but not listening music again, same as some months before. I feel bore every moment and desire to talk with my friends. But I have lost all friends and there is nobody, with whom I can share my pain. I am feeling so nervous about my future because I can't judge what do I want from present for future. I have ever accepted that I am in love and believed her my wife for lifetime. But people doesn't understand my feelings and ever make it more painful that she doesn't care for my feelings. Some comments said by some people who are near me always hurt my feelings and increase my pain of love. Today my love for her, became curse of my destiny for me as per my situation.My love have become punishment by God. I have always tried to hide her name from all the people. Even I have never mentioned her name here on this blog too. Only she knows that all this is written by me is only for her. Tears from my eyes are flowing like river streaming from mountains.
I want to ask to my love........my Madness, " I can't judge my self, please show me the direction, which side I have to move? Guide me my friend, What should I do? Teach me my teacher, How to handle my situation? You are my everything, How to live every moment and each breath which comes? you had taught me laugh, What to do with this tears which ever come in my eyes when I remember you? I have devoted this life to you, What should I do when my heart wants to love you? Whenever you would like to ask me ....Do you love me? before that just look at the sky .... that will my answer for you........ forever.
But, as I have mentioned in my previous written posts, I love you unconditionally. I will happy if you will choose me as life partner, I will also happy if you will not choose me and choose other person for the same. I always told you I have believed you my wife, but it is not important for you to choose me as husband. I know you will say this man is always thinking for marriage, but that is not true. I believe in the relationship between two soulmates and their hearts.You think like western country's people and accepted their lifestyle too. You ever like to spend your rest of the life there and may be never like to come back.
My life has become full of shocks and disappointments(sorry Eng. locha). Last two days has gone very badly, you can say the worst days of my life. My mother and sisters has taken me with wrong approach regarding you. They thought I am fully devoted to the desires of body relations with you. They have considered my love as heavy lust of body relations with you. But this is not true, Love is a relation of heart and always communicate by eyes between two persons. It will be second matter that you couldn't understand when you was here. The world of my beautiful dreams has been turned into the burial garden of dead desires when you have gone.
Please say something or lead me to the way which can help me to reach to my destination. which destination? that will also decided by you.Here or there? Please never force me to accept another person in my life besides you. Now I want your support for helping me in the way to stand up again and fight with my complexity.
Do you think I want to be dependent on your earnings, interested in your father's money, misuse of your degree, trying to take revenge of our previous little fight of comments? If you are thinking about all of these, then you are totally wrong. Because I have strong financial background more than you are thinking . I had clapped that lady who was only single daughter of a billionaire businessman, who ever came to meet me in costly cars. I ever believe in my hard work and my earning from my own business. I don't like to be dependent on anybody. I am expanding my business in our city, state and in the whole country. May be one day you will see my business ad at your current location, but that time how elder we will? I don't know.
You are very important for me in my life. Because without you I feel to be in hell. Now my situation is going to be out of control and making me more and more nervous. But all time I feel very cool when I remember you and blessing you. I don't know why but I appear God in you when I thought about you. So please take care of your self. Tomorrow my fasting will be end and I will send you lot of blessings and greetings for your better future and happiness.
I know you may be also bound with promises given to the parents, teachers, friends etc. for better career abroad. But try to understand, my situation is being very hard and gripping my throat tightly. Can you imagine the lonely life? I had never expected it. But it came suddenly. The people around me are temporary and I have never shared my tears with them, because they ever laugh on me in my absence. May be you too laughing while reading this blog. But all my words are correct to narrate my expressions. I want to give you a nice gift but I have no any address where I can send it. What a beautiful love story of me, in which I have become fully disabled.
I like your way of safely flirting online, but that will not lead us to any conclusion or any destination. There is nothing about me to hide from you. You can directly ask me or my sister regarding me. If you need any help regarding anything ask ladies around you not men. And please stop to ask other people about me and my background. I will publish more photos of me and my family on FB. Take your decisions by your self, I know you are too stronger and capable for that. That is the reason to ask you......... My Love....... My Madness....!!! "
"What must I do in this situation?"
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