Last night, I was watching the sky while sleeping on the floor of my terrace. I was watching the stars and to the beautiful sky. Some stars were there on their same positions as they are at their routine place. I was thinking that so much time has gone and I am still there, where she had left our home town. It was the first Rainy day of the rainy season. When I reached at the office and suddenly rain was started with heavy darkness. It was really scary environment at that time. I was just wondering that why the rain had started suddenly. I had got my answer in next few days of that day. I have got the answer by God that he was crying on me and my heart feelings. Because she had gone may be forever from our hometown and left me crying on her memories. The most lovely lady I have ever met in my life. At that time I was new at that place and also unknown with the lady. I was finding my better future with her as I was thinking she was the mature lady. But after few days I had found her a quite different lady from my expectations. She was the same lady which I have ever dreamed while my teenage and college days. I was waiting for her daily around 9:30 a.m. and whenever she came I had ever felt different pleasure. I was thinking that I liked her. But my mind was not accepting that matter. While her absent I found that I was missing her. I had started searching her on internet through google. I have found so many links of her name, but she had chosen a weird name as nick name on FB. I had sent her friend request as I was quite confident that she will definitely accept it, but it was the different place and full of different kind of people. She was one of them. By mistake FB had blocked my account for 7 days and canceled my all friend requests. I was scared as I was new on FB. Because I have never passed my time with social networking sites. I had ever used internet for searching new softwares, programming scripts, Videos, Flash movies, Tutorials, Emails, advertising etc. I have never thought that FB will become my Lifebook.
I was really new bee for her world. The world of proud, bad publicity, ignorance of persons, working people with stones. It was the different world, where people was trying to show themselves something different from others. They were hiding their reality and showing their looking good and performing good. I met the people who were mute on reality, laughing on others expressions, always showing to others that they are true, their words are true and don't argue with them. My situation was like a little child lost in unknown street and finding his home with lot of crying and tears. All was watching me and some people were looking at me with sympathy as they had knew the matter. In those days, I had lost my all friends. I was lonely and angry with everything and everybody. I was thinking about the situation, in which I could not judge myself and my thoughts. The lady was in my mind and I was waiting for the mornings in those nights. In the nights I was walking here to there and feeling her presence in my environment. I felt I would become mad or die very soon. I was remembering her talks and her naughty acts. I had lost myself in her eyes. I can still describe her beauty, while wearing blue saari. Her big eyes are still calling me to that place. Her dance in staff room on a very chip song of the movie "Saat Khoon Maaf". I can still remember her whispering voice while I was on phone call with my friend. I can still remember her sad face and her big eyes looked at me while leaving the staffroom on her last day at office which was my last meeting with her.
Finally I had accepted that I have fallen in love with that lady. I had started making friendship with people around me who were welknown with her. I was wondering that she will come back after leaves of few days. But she was gone from our hometown and then I knew that she had reached to USA. I felt that I was stand in air fall down very soon. From that day She is in my mind and my heart. I had found the link of her blog and commented on her post. At that time I could not realized that it was my last day of openly watch her on FB. She replied bad words against my blessings and greetings. But my heart was praying to God for her. I had started fasting for her happiness, health and studies. I am still praying to God for her happiness and bright future. We have met for few days and few hours, but it has made me mad behind her. It was a big coincident that she had used the word "MADNESS" as her nickname. I had started writing my feelings on this blog. One day she had published her photo album in which she had made situations regarding my blog posts. I thought she has fallen in love with me, but she was not. She had tried to make jokes on my posts. But after few days, I have seen all her photos again and I have found some different expressions in her eyes. She was trying to show that she was very happy but she was not.
I know she still loves me, but she will never told me or express her self to me. I will also not tell her that I love her more than myself. I wish to be floor while she wants to walk or dance, I wish to be shelter for her to cover her from rain and hot sunlight, I wish to become blanket while she feels cold. But she is ignoring me and my love. I can pray for her. I can give blessings to her. But she is ignoring all. May be I am nothing for her today. But she is everything for me. I am waiting for that moment of my life when I will see her again smiling, dancing, talking naughtily etc. I could not celebrate my and her birthday but hope to celebrate next birthdays very well at cool and nice place. I know life is not so long and few days are remaining but it is quite difficult to pass the day and night with her memories. I can't describe my pain here in words and can't tell anybody in this world. Because I know, nobody can understand my feelings and pain. If anybody who will feel my pain in her heart will become my life partner. I know, women can't love anybody in this world besides their own desires and dreams. I knew what the women wants from life. They wants security at each level of their life. They are not so adventurous like men and can't accept anybody besides their desires.
My love......my Empress ........My "Madness"...... is same like the other women. She wants to show herself different and quite adventurous, but she is not. If she will tell me, I can do anything for her whatever as per my capacities. Still she is having fun with my feelings and made me a big joker, but I am still loving her.
In my past post I have declared that she is not any celebrity and I am not her subscriber or follower. But today I am declaring that she is the biggest celebrity for me.
Yes, My Love......My Empress........My "Madness" ..........you are my .........biggest celebrity in the world......!!!
I was really new bee for her world. The world of proud, bad publicity, ignorance of persons, working people with stones. It was the different world, where people was trying to show themselves something different from others. They were hiding their reality and showing their looking good and performing good. I met the people who were mute on reality, laughing on others expressions, always showing to others that they are true, their words are true and don't argue with them. My situation was like a little child lost in unknown street and finding his home with lot of crying and tears. All was watching me and some people were looking at me with sympathy as they had knew the matter. In those days, I had lost my all friends. I was lonely and angry with everything and everybody. I was thinking about the situation, in which I could not judge myself and my thoughts. The lady was in my mind and I was waiting for the mornings in those nights. In the nights I was walking here to there and feeling her presence in my environment. I felt I would become mad or die very soon. I was remembering her talks and her naughty acts. I had lost myself in her eyes. I can still describe her beauty, while wearing blue saari. Her big eyes are still calling me to that place. Her dance in staff room on a very chip song of the movie "Saat Khoon Maaf". I can still remember her whispering voice while I was on phone call with my friend. I can still remember her sad face and her big eyes looked at me while leaving the staffroom on her last day at office which was my last meeting with her.
Finally I had accepted that I have fallen in love with that lady. I had started making friendship with people around me who were welknown with her. I was wondering that she will come back after leaves of few days. But she was gone from our hometown and then I knew that she had reached to USA. I felt that I was stand in air fall down very soon. From that day She is in my mind and my heart. I had found the link of her blog and commented on her post. At that time I could not realized that it was my last day of openly watch her on FB. She replied bad words against my blessings and greetings. But my heart was praying to God for her. I had started fasting for her happiness, health and studies. I am still praying to God for her happiness and bright future. We have met for few days and few hours, but it has made me mad behind her. It was a big coincident that she had used the word "MADNESS" as her nickname. I had started writing my feelings on this blog. One day she had published her photo album in which she had made situations regarding my blog posts. I thought she has fallen in love with me, but she was not. She had tried to make jokes on my posts. But after few days, I have seen all her photos again and I have found some different expressions in her eyes. She was trying to show that she was very happy but she was not.
I know she still loves me, but she will never told me or express her self to me. I will also not tell her that I love her more than myself. I wish to be floor while she wants to walk or dance, I wish to be shelter for her to cover her from rain and hot sunlight, I wish to become blanket while she feels cold. But she is ignoring me and my love. I can pray for her. I can give blessings to her. But she is ignoring all. May be I am nothing for her today. But she is everything for me. I am waiting for that moment of my life when I will see her again smiling, dancing, talking naughtily etc. I could not celebrate my and her birthday but hope to celebrate next birthdays very well at cool and nice place. I know life is not so long and few days are remaining but it is quite difficult to pass the day and night with her memories. I can't describe my pain here in words and can't tell anybody in this world. Because I know, nobody can understand my feelings and pain. If anybody who will feel my pain in her heart will become my life partner. I know, women can't love anybody in this world besides their own desires and dreams. I knew what the women wants from life. They wants security at each level of their life. They are not so adventurous like men and can't accept anybody besides their desires.
My love......my Empress ........My "Madness"...... is same like the other women. She wants to show herself different and quite adventurous, but she is not. If she will tell me, I can do anything for her whatever as per my capacities. Still she is having fun with my feelings and made me a big joker, but I am still loving her.
In my past post I have declared that she is not any celebrity and I am not her subscriber or follower. But today I am declaring that she is the biggest celebrity for me.
Yes, My Love......My Empress........My "Madness" ..........you are my .........biggest celebrity in the world......!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment