......your turn now......!!!

           

          Today! I felt like on seventh sky, but your silence is killing me. I have visited your and CT's FB wall more than 20 times yesterday. But, there is no any answer from your side. Today in the morning my mom has made me smile by her words. She has told me that we are both can live independently from my family. She had told me that we can shift to our flat after the marriage. She is not having academic degree but can read your silence from so far. She has ever welcomed my decisions and made me smile. Afterall she is Harrie's mother and know the magic for spreading smiles on her kids' faces. I have knew that you are the only one kid of your parents from my links. This matter was discussed between me and my mom. So, today she has told few lines to me. I am trying to write here those words.
           My mother has told me that she was ever lonely in her home and never shared anything with anybody so she maybe addicted with loneliness.You have been addicted with sharing your things with your siblings and she has no any siblings. You have ever cut the apple in 4 pieces and she has eaten it without making pieces. In her family, maybe they are very modern and adopted the western culture in their home. So it will better that you have to be separated from us after marriage. I can't see you sad my son. I will call you whenever I will remember you. Now smile and take your breakfast.
         I could not say a single word to her, but realized that my mom's heart is so big. The whole universe is there in her heart. She can't see us sad and wriggling for anything. She has sacrificed her possessiveness just for my one smile. I smiled but just only for her satisfaction. I know this is the biggest sad moment for me in which I have to choose one of two things. One is my family and another is YOU. Darling.....!!!........I will go with my promises and commitments. In daytime I will be with my family and in nights I will with you. You doesn't need to learn cooking and also not to be ready for the burden of liabilities. You and my family, both will be ever strangers for each other. Me and my family will never disturb you in your work. I will only listen your talks and never make any objection against any of your words. You will free to eat anything in our flat. You will never need to attend  any of our family functions. If you and your parents feel shame for me, I will also not attend any of your family functions. You will be free from all the liabilities of daughter-in-law. You will live your life in as it is format. I know it will be very painful for me, but I will try to forget all my relations by watching in your eyes. I will try to forget my world while your warm hugs. I will forget all by being in your arms. I have promised you to give you lot of love and I will give you that till my death. I have lost myself in your love and there is nothing mine. We are the family and we have to think about each other. I will be ready for the dishonor of your parents. I will try to feed you by everything and if needed I will feed you by my blood. I can't give you more than this and can't say more about my love for you. Because you are all non-vegetarians are the feelingless people. Please break your silence and say something.
          I know you will laugh again and tell the words for me "B*****d", but I love you. I have stand here with my open arms for you. I know you will feel very strange when I will give you money every month for personal expenses. I will physically satisfy you whenever you need to be, but never ask you to satisfy me. I will be stopped whenever you will tell me, if I would be at the last stage of our satisfaction. You may feel very strange while reading all this. I want to tell you the reason behind all this words. Actually, I want to know how much love is there in your heart for me. I am going to kill my self, but is there any single tear for me in your eyes? If you have a single one for me, I will get heaven after death. Yes, darling ........!!!.........I am going to sacrifice myself for my love for you. I have never given my heart to anybody besides you, but you could not understand my feelings. You know only measurements of things, Same like the doctors can see each of human as object. I am not an object for experiments. I am alive and having holy feelings for you. My heart was ever beating for you, is and will ever beat for you.
          I couldn't understand the justice of God about me. I am feeling very  strange while doing all the things. I have never believed in love and emotional feelings for woman, but today I have become slave of you, the woman. I want to die, but I can't. Because I have promised with myself that without meeting you I will not think about death. I need the power to win your heart, but I have no any. I am not superman or spiderman or batman who have an extraordinary power to win the whole world.  I will punish myself for being in love. I can't think any more as I have lost my thinking power. I am watching you and only your face. I will work for orphan people and disabled persons. All my earnings will be spend for the people suffering from disabilities.
       May God Bless You, Darling....!!!but I want to tell you. Maybe you will be very much angry after reading this lines, but this words are true for you, just try to see in your heart after reading this words.
       Darling......!!! I have decided to make myself alone from this world. My 3D class has made a little trip to Saputara and I was very happy about that trip. I had also decided to take a part in Paragliding, but after this event I will not going for the trip. You are success to make me cry again. But, I will pray for your happy trip to Europe. Enjoy yourself in Europe. I will try to write here whenever I will be free. I am not leaving you and never leave, but I am hurt by your silence. I am in true love with you, but maybe you are not. I can't force you for that. But, I will try to reach to your heart and mind. I will spread my wings and try to cover the whole world in it. I am going to vibrate the whole cosmos for this disappointment. I will ask to God! why he has played with my feelings.
       My Love......My Empress.......My "Madness".........I can't curse you, but can curse to that God who have brought us together and split us very rudely. I know you want to be busy with books and friends, but I can't go anywhere besides you. Because you are my world. You are my everything. I can't think about anything besides you. I have left my world only for you. I am burning and desperate for your LOVE.  Please say something ..........I am waiting for .........your answer......... I have done.......and it is ......your turn now......!!!